Hickory Wind | THE 'COUNTRY' 'MUSIC' AWARDS

May 23, 2005

THE 'COUNTRY' 'MUSIC' AWARDS

Posted by Stacy Chandler at May 23, 2005 12:23 AM

Last week there was a beauty pageant in Las Vegas. Nashville's "finest" turned out at the Academy of Country Music Awards to strut their stuff on a red carpet that, if it wasn't encrusted with rhinestones, should have been. Meanwhile, Kathleen Edwards was playing a gig in Kentucky, where tickets were $12. And justice wept.

Gretchen Wilson's Best New Artist and Best Female Vocalist awards led most news accounts of the event, and with good reason. An outspoken woman in country music?? GASP! How shocking, and new! What a pioneer she is.

Bulllllllshit. And I should disclaim that I don't think that Gretchen Wilson has any delusions that she's the pioneer Nashville's making her out to be. But someone should tell the Academy of Country Music -- and mainstream press and radio -- what I'm sure Gretchen already knows: that Dolly Parton was singing honky-tonk songs when Gretchen Wilson was spitting up her strained peas, and Tammy Wynette was a sassy, strong woman in country music long before the CMAs were telecast in color. Loretta Lynn, anyone? How quickly we forget. But I guess it's tough to keep perspective when you can no longer hear Dolly, Tammy or Loretta on the radio. Ever.

Ah, but let me move on, before I find myself attempting to delineate the flaws of country radio and Nashville all in one post. Eeesh. Let's take a look at some of the CMA winners, shall we?

Entertainer: Kenny Chesney.
Are you kidding me? Kenny Chesney is still around? Man, going to the gym was the smartest thing that little guy ever did. Because don't think for a second that pop country is any less of a beauty pageant for men than it is for women. If Kenny hadn't buffed up and gotten sweet abs, he'd be driving a bus in Reno right now.

Male vocalist: Keith Urban.
Same as above, but read in an Australian accent. And his bus would be in Tamworth.

Female vocalist: Gretchen Wilson.
Don't get me started again.

New artist: Gretchen Wilson.
Really, don't.

Single: "Live Like You Were Dying," Tim McGraw.
Oh Jesus, I just puked on my keyboard. I hold up Tim McGraw as the representative of all that's wrong with country music today. Him and Toby Keith, who apparently didn't win an award this year because they discontinued the "Hate-Mongering Chest-Thumping No-Talent Vocalist of the Year" category. Pity.

Song: "Live Like You Were Dying," Tim McGraw, writers Craig Wiseman and Tim Nichols.
Love how everyone's all like "Aw, that's so sweet, this song is about Tim McGraw's dead father," and he didn't even write it! Grrrr.

Vocal duo: Brooks & Dunn.
I don't get it. Surely these guys have made plenty of money off us by now. Or have they spent it all on hair highlights and skin peels so we don't notice they're 92 years old? Stop it, Brooks & Dunn! Go back to your fancy houses and count all your money and leave us alone!

Vocal event (also Video award): "Whiskey Lullaby," Brad Paisley (featuring Alison Krauss).
I should take consolation that at least Alison Krauss won something, right? I should. But I don't. It's nothing against Brad Paisley, either. He doesn't much bother me. And this was even a decent song. But was it really THE best vocal of the event of the year? Really? Hmm.

Fiddle player: Stuart Duncan.
YAY! But this was one of those awards given "in advance," so no one witnessed this rare giving of props where props are actually deserved. Boo.

Casino: Mandalay Bay Resort.
Interestingly, this is where the awards were broadcast from this year. Ahem. No idea why this is a CMA award. Unless it's here that the CMA is admitting the 'M' secretly stands for money, not music. That would explain a lot ...

Talent buyer/promoter: Brian O'Connell (Clear Channel Entertainment).
I don't even know where to start. Is talent buying/promotion something that should be awarded by a music group? Kinda shows that that aspect of the biz is right up there with ... the music. Also explains a lot.

I would say I'm going to express my displeasure with the CMAs by boycotting the artists and companies they endorse, but, well, that wouldn't require enough of a lifestyle change to make a statement. Kenny Chesney is conspicuously absent from my CD collection, and Clear Channel is conspicuously absent from my radio dial (easy to do when you live in Japan!). Wouldn't the world be a much better place if everyone had such, er, deficiencies? But then again, if that were the case, the CMAs might get desperate and try having a bathing suit portion of the pageant to try to attract viewers. Ick. Even worse, they might lengthen the "talent" portion of the show -- and that would be most painful of all.

Comments

Amen

Posted by: Waylon at May 23, 2005 8:47 AM

Many, many, good points. But I think you'd have to admit that awarding Gretchen Wilson rather than those who strain for pop crossover (Shania and Faith) is a good thing. A woman performing actual country music could have positive results, like finally getting to drop the "alt" from alt-country.
I'll probably be the only person this week to defend Toby Keith, but I think he deserves a break. He was wrong to slam the Dixie Chicks, but freedom of speech means that he should be allowed to say what's on his mind, too. Just my two cents.
Thank you, Stacy, for filling me in on what happened with the awards. Now I'm gonna log off and listen to some Buck Owens.

Posted by: Sean at May 23, 2005 4:29 PM

Stacy, I was reading this blog and Frank came in and was reading it over my shoulder, he read for a little bit, and said, "Hmmm, So Larry thinks Kenny Chesney has sweet abs!" Then he left the room before he saw who had posted it! I thought it was pretty funny! You go girl!!

Posted by: Mom K at May 23, 2005 6:13 PM

Heh heh. You notice Larry hasn't been on here yet DENYING he thinks Kenny Chesney has sweet abs! Hope Frank is OK. ;)

My beef with Toby Keith isn't so much with the Dixie Chicks thing, though I think he handled himself pretty badly with that. But mainly I hate that he says things like "We'll put a boot in your ass, It's the American way." That's just wonderful. Makes me well up with pride in my country.

Politics aside, he's a terrible singer of terrible songs. That's my main beef right there. Secondary beef is that no one seems to see beyond his tough-guy, one-of-the-boys image to notice he dyes his hair blond. Girly man.

Posted by: Stacy at May 24, 2005 2:52 AM

Hmm, seems I'm being called out... ;-)

Well, I've started to comment on this post about four times, and each time I've ran away -- just too intimidated to try! What a way to start a Monday, Stacy! YEE-HAW what a post! ;-)

Anyway, let's see, first off, I don't know anything about Gretchen Wilson except that she had a song, "Redneck Woman." I don't particulary like redneck women, and believe me, growing up in East TN, I have a very intimate knowledge of the subject. So I wasn't particularly motivated to look this song up. After listening to a snippet yesterday though, it just sounds like a Bluegrass-removed Dixie Chicks wannabe. Not bad, but not terribly good. I wouldn't change the radio, but I wouldn't buy the CD. Now that was a quick judgement from just a couple of 30-sec snippets from her album, but that's what they pay me for around here.

I was amazed to hear the Outkast "party call-and-response" in Gretchen's songs... somehow she borrowed that from Hip Hop and put it in country? I'm not putting it down; I was just surprised. I'd never heard that before.

Tim McGraw is, you took the words out of my mouth, the quintessential "wrongness" about country. I have to give him some props for getting to sleep with Faith Hill, but then since she's the female symbol of what's wrong with country, it's all a wash. Boo hiss to them both. (But, in their defense, they've stayed together through what -- three children? -- in a time when most celebrities are perfect examples of infidelity and decadence.)

I've never liked Toby Keith. I don't like "funny" country (except for Robbie Fulks, God bless him, which I guess is more "smartass" country), and like you said, I detest the chest-thumping "we're AmURrica and we're God's Chosen." That line of thinking is very prevalent, unfortunately, and I consider it terribly dangerous. America is great because people suffered and worked to make it great -- are still quietly working and suffering to make it great. Taking it for granted will surely kill it.

Now, on to Kenny Chesney. (Who, by the way, just married Ren�e Zellweger? Bastard!) I've never taken this dude seriously. Funny Kenny story --

Kenny's from Knoxville (or thereabouts), where I grew up. I was working at the Camelot Music in Maryville (next door to Knoxville) during my senior year in high school. This was the same year he released his first album. The manager, believing this guy was going to be huge, ordered something like 200 CDs.

Two hundred CDs... we'd never had anywhere near that many CDs of any act previously... ever. It took two under-stock cabinets to hold just the Kenny CDs.... and they didn't sell. The entire time I worked there, we sold maybe three. For the next year I'd go back to visit my friends and check on the "Kenny Cabinets." They weren't selling. Eventually he did catch on, and some or most of those were eventually sold. However, Kenny was the joke of our store for a couple of years -- the local boy who couldn't sell to the locals.

Posted by: larry at May 24, 2005 7:16 AM

And what would I know about Kenny Chesney's abs? NOTHING!

Posted by: larry at May 24, 2005 7:20 AM

Stacy - beautiful post.

Sean - good point on Freedom of Speech, but I don't think anybody was questioning that. The Freedom of Speech is an interesting double-edged sword--you have the right to say anything you want and your fellow countrymen have the right to make their assessment of you based on what you've said. I think Mark Twain covered it well with "Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." Toby Keith is an idiot and I'm embarrassed that my fellow Americans see fit, in large part, to give him the bully pulpit. And for the record, Toby has every right to think I'm an idiot as well. Fortunately, I don't have quite so many instances documented by the press where I've proven it.

Larry - weren't you just talking about Kenny Chesney's abs the other day? I remember that it made me a little uncomfortable...

Shane O.

God Bless the Right Turn Clydes!
http://www.rightturnclydes.com

Posted by: Shane O. at May 24, 2005 5:20 PM

Ah damn, Stacy.... these CMA Awards were in November of last year! You've been caught in another Japanese TV time trap! EEK!

But since no one who reads this site really cares about the CMA anyway, I probably shouldn't have even pointed it out. ;-)

Posted by: larry at May 24, 2005 10:34 PM

Man, I should have stayed off this one altogether. Anyone who knows me and Stacy knows I have a lot of respect for her opinion. Now I've just come off like a Toby Keith fan (I'm not). That's still better than having the readers think I'm checking out some dude's abs. Good luck with that one, Larry.

Posted by: Sean at May 25, 2005 7:55 AM

OK, listen here, Mr. Smartbritches (that's you, Larry). I was talking about the awards on May 17, last Tuesday, given by the Academy of Country Music -- I got it right on first reference, but then I flubbed the acronym later on. I shoulda said ACMs, not CMAs. Duh. You'd think someone who deals with news about the military -- acronym kings! -- all day would have appreciated the distinction. :) Sorry 'bout that.

I think Larry's obsession with Kenny Chesney's abs is sweet.

Posted by: Stacy at May 25, 2005 12:16 PM

Hmm, well there was a blog post on another blog (don't have the link handy) and he was decribing the CMAs from last November, and damn if it wasn't straight up the same comments you were making... I really thought you'd seen the CMAs but time-lapsed on Japanese TV. Wow, sorry!

And yeah, Kenny's abs rock. No sense hiding it any more.

Posted by: larry at May 25, 2005 12:22 PM

Psh, I didn't see either one on the terebi, just read about the awards in the paper the next day. Pop country music doesn't seem to be on the radar here. Pretty sure Faith Hill (or ... dare I say it??? Kenny Chesney. Larry, you OK?) could walk down the street in Tokyo and no one would know that they're famous. Of course, it works both ways. I've probably walked right past the most famous band in Japan and had no idea.

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