June 7, 2006
Unofficial Hickory Wind World Cup Guide
Posted by Amanda Rose at June 7, 2006 5:58 PMThoughts are squarely on Germany this week as the most important sporting event in the world kicks off. I'm excited, not least because Australia will be there for the first time in 32 years. To make it easier for heretical refusniks in the USA to understand I prepared a brief musical World Cup Guide. Feel free to add any of your own comparisons in comments.
If he's not careful Ryan Adams could end up like Portugal. The "golden generation" of 1991 is still spoken about reverently but didn't capitalize and now only Luis Figo is left. Could win the thing, could lose to Angola 6-0.
Croatia is The Greencards – mostly made up of transplanted Australians.
The Netherlands. I think Oranje, I think Dale Watson. Moody and cantankerous but would rather die than dilute their purist 'total football' traditions. Theory doesn't always score goals though. They are my pick to win anyway which bodes well for Dale coming out of retirement to a world that finally appreciates him.
Sweden is an Alan Jackson type. Reliable, heart in the right place, might go all the way but could do with a little more flair.
Costa Rica = George Jones Will thrill you to bits … if they show up.
The Dixie Chicks are the Czech Republic. Fluid in attack and defence, but need to keep the hotheads under control. Plus, their first game is against America. ;-)
Hank, Jr is Spain. Impressive pedigree but too many question marks to take too seriously.
England. Michael Jackson, a little out of the Americana genre but never more apt. So much promise destined to end as a sad punchline.
Lucinda Williams. Brazil: age has not wearied them and in fact could get even better. Intimidating, strong in all areas, virtually uncoachable.
The Rolling Stones are Italy. Easy to make jokes about, a long history of bad hair, sometimes threaten to let the showman side overwhelm the real job at hand. A genuine colossus and written off at your peril. Self destruction never far away, but somehow they always end up in the mix at the business end. A little German ruthless efficiency in there too.
Update for Stacy: Japan I think is every Australian country star who then gallops off to Nashville and fails to make a dent. They performed well in the last World Cup, but can they do it without home ground advantage? See also: South Korea.
ROTFLMAO!
Posted by: Jim Pipkin at June 7, 2006 7:19 PMOh man, this could be the best post of all time! You've succeeding in making this American suddenly interested -- really truly -- in the World Cup, and you KNOW what a huge accomplishment that is!
So can you help me with Japan? I know I'm supposed to worship the Blue Samurai, but I don't know why. Soccer's second (and a close second at that) only to baseball here, so I'm expected to pay attention.
Posted by: stacy at June 7, 2006 10:10 PMThe only thing you need to know about Japan is they will lose badly to Australia in a couple of days ... ;-)
Posted by: Amanda at June 7, 2006 10:22 PMOh, it's ON, woman! :) Though, hmmm. Maybe I shouldn't talk shit when I have no idea what I'm talking about ...
Posted by: stacy at June 8, 2006 12:10 AMvery clever and insightful. could we have the complete list of 32?
Posted by: donn at June 8, 2006 3:53 AMHah! I know what the Aussies will be singing when they take field. 'We Can't Be Beaten' by the Tatts.
What do ya tell 'em boys?
Posted by: Shaun at June 8, 2006 7:44 AMGermany: Garth Brooks, tedious, predictable, but reliably successful.
France: Emmlylou Harris: stylish and classy, but their best days are probably behind them.
Argentina: Steve Earle: bags of talent and a questionable past, unpredictable. Always worth watching.
Posted by: Chris Bertram at June 8, 2006 10:34 AMChris Bertram, hush your mouth! How can you say that about Emmylou! I was thinking of an analogy like Ukraine, often in the shadow of a bigger neighbour but has come into their own. Of course, Ukraine are nothing without Shevchenko and Emmy has more depth than that. It is not an easy exercise since all teams have weaknesses but I tend to ignore those in musicians.
Steve Earle I pondered over for a while. Maybe Saudi Arabia, who I heard ordered the mini bars cleared in their rooms before they arrived at the team hotel in Germany.
Donn: No, you could not. But if anyone can think of an anaology for Tunisia, be my guest ...
Hey, I meant to be nice about Emmylou!
Ukraine ... a team with only one talented member. Wham! comes to mind.
Posted by: Chris Bertram at June 8, 2006 3:42 PMAnd England, Chris?
Posted by: Amanda at June 8, 2006 7:50 PMEngland. Well that's a hard one, because the current team is very strong indeed. But historically, the thing is to make it to the quarters or semis of big competitions, and then to mess up a penalty shoot out. The other thing is the "English game" with its emphasis on determination and "never-say-die" over actual talent and technical ability. Billy Bragg?
Incidentally, you missed a prime characteristic of the Dutch teams: there is usually an enormous row in the camp and one half of the team won't even talk to the other half, then someone walks out etc. Uncle Tupelo?
Posted by: Chris Bertram at June 9, 2006 5:00 AMWhen I said moody and cantankerous that's what I meant. Guus Hiddink was saying the other day coaching the Aussies is nice because theres none of that. But Uncle Tupelo is apt. As is Billy B. I've got $20 on Paraguay.
Posted by: Amanda at June 9, 2006 5:50 AMFascinating! What about another list for Americana artists:
If Ryan Adams was a fruit or vegetable he'd be a __________! etc.....
