Tom Teurff Sings About His F-Hole

But more on that later. When Larry asked me to start writing a monthly blog from the concrete canyons of the New West, I was as happy as Dick Cheney in a wheat field full of lawyers. So many targets, so little time!

But then, when the time came to actually produce something, I drew a blank. Thankfully, I stepped out for some coffee at a struggling Phoenix venue, and ran into Tom Tuerff.

Tom is the Evil Leprechaun of the Phoenix songwriting scene, a man whose razor wit has landed two of his songs on Doctor Demento, alienating sensitive people from coast to coast. His name will be used to frighten small children for generations to come.

The place he was playing Saturday night is usually noted more for the absence of a crowd, but word had leaked out and the room was full. Tom opened the ball with his wickedly funny song "Baby Boomers", exploring the aging frailties of the generation that thinks it invented youth. This was followed closely by his "Clerical Error", a song based on the real-life situation of a small Southern church that found itself overbooked one day, for both a wedding and a funeral, and decided to hold both ceremonies simultaneously.

By this time everyone in the place was laughing so hard we could barely see. After a couple more tunes Tom reached behind him and pulled out an arch-top orchestral guitar. Experts disagree, but it was manufactured in 1937, perhaps by Gibson, perhaps not. The body and the neck came from two different companies, and it of course has the standard f-shaped sound holes distinctive to arch-tops. Tom calls it his "F-Hole", and he played us a little song about it. "Oh my F-hole is clean…" well, you get the picture.

Tom's sets are not just about music. No denominator is too common for him to explore. Take for example his mid-set display of action figures recently purchased at a local toy store, along with a short history lesson on each one. Did you know there is an action figure of Pope Innocent III? I didn't. And the little game where the James Madison action figure is running around waving its arms screaming, "The White House is burning! Dolly, grab the cakes!" was certainly instructive.

Tom Tuerff has two self-produced CDs, the first called "Something to Sell at My Gigs", the second "But Wait! There's More!" Both are mined extensively by local performers seeking sharp cover tunes.

Tom lives his life out here in comfortable obscurity, and shares with me a healthy dislike for the mainstream music business. This attitude is quite common among Western singer/songwriters. They choose to live here in flyover country, knowing that only those who move to the industry towns and join the "dues queues" will be taken seriously by the suits. The suits don't know what they're missing.

Tom Tuerff Set List

"Baby Boomers"
"Clerical Error"
"Catholic Guilt"
"Sun City Sinners"
"Very Short Books"
"My F-Hole"
- short interlude to play onstage with action figures
"Paper or Plastic"
- Japanese autoharp riffs
"Good Enough for Guys"
"First House"

You can drop in and visit Tom Tuerff yourself at his web page:
http://hometown.aol.com/nudeadguy/